Livin' 4 the Next 1...

Everyone’s leaving my job but me. I don’t want to be the last one here…i guess, unless that’s God’s plan for me. It is seeming more and more impossible to meet our job’s outcomes with the lack of initiative, creativity, and freedom we have to work with to make things happen. I know God knows exactly what I need to get by, and I want to be still and quiet enough to hear his will for my life. I pray for wisdom to decide to stay at my job or to wait out my time, for peace instead of an anxious and worrisome mind on what is to happen (work & baby-wise), and for the will and strength to keep on being the mother and wife (and daughter) I need to be for my family. Whatever goes down…I hope God is glorified and manifested in my life to be a testimony for others to see.

Sooo…

I’m in a rut.  I’ve been out of school (graduated, yes) for 4 years, married almost 8 years now, 2 kids, and still no job.  I was hired by Pepperdine University, after I graduated, in Dec. 2006 but didn’t take it…long story.

The new story is my youngest son is almost 2 yrs old, love him to death, but he’s wrecking my nerves to death as well…and I’m don’t want my long haul of busting my little cutie patootie on a degree to go to waste.

I have so many ideas, hopes and dreams (school/student activities counselor, public relations specialist, journalist, publicity, wanting my own urban christian music radio show/magazine, tv/film production, event planning…yeah, the most!) that I’m not pursuing…I need to though…The problem is that part of me is scared because I know these professtions will require a lot of my time which will be taken away from my family, kids, and ministry work.

I’ve grown to like the time I have to volunteer at my son’s school or to work on youth ministry stuff, spending time with my youngest son, but at the same time, I feel like I’m not being productive - doing nothing with my life.

So, I’m asking God, what is your will for my life??  What is my role in my family to be (a stay @ home mom or an equal financial helper to my husband and to have a career of my own??) I need an answer because I don’t know what to do, i don;t know what is right/best for me and I don’t want to make a bad decision…

Help me Daddy.

i  pray that all who God wants to be there attends and that we not only plan the best event of the year, but that its a LIFE changing event…our youth really need to know who God is and why its vital to have a relationship with him…

…Amen.

• please watch over my cousin and help him to fully recover.
• give me insight as to whether i should be working now or not.
• i want and need to take more risks for YOUR glory.
• thank you for the quality time with jaden (my son) today.
• guide my family’s venture into this medical billing business.
• give my mom strength, hope, and comfort at work (they stressin’ her out, Lord)
• thank you for not giving up on Larry (my lil bro) and continue to work in him…he’s gonna come around…i know it!
• thank you for loving me enough to have created me…for setting me apart.
• i want to be devoted to you and your will…
• give my dad 20/20 spiritual vision
• watch and guide metro (my church family) through our transition process…we want to carry out your will…save souls and make disciples.
• help jarrett to believe in his own dreams and visions (he has major talent!!)

I <3 u, Daddy!

…these are all the books i’ve started this year and have yet to finish…

my goal (if i choose to accept) is to complete them before jan. 1, 2010.

pray for me y’all… <3

does anyone else know a “madea?”…come on…no one???